Cancer, Looking at the Bright Side

CANCER. People tend to give me pity. I am not going to sit here and lie to you saying cancer has been a blessing. It has not. I do, however, like to see the positive side of things. So I will first tell you the struggles that I have been dealing with, not for pity, but so that you can see that no matter how bad it gets, there is always a silver lining. I was diagnosed after thanksgiving. It was November 27th. I remember this because I had been feeling super weird. I was having cravings, serious cramping, was dizzy and nauseous. Literally I thought I was pregnant. (God no, thank goodness). I took my son to Universal Studios and had gotten him season passes because...why not. His birthday was November 18th and I thought it was the perfect gift. If you read my story of my life, you would understand why it was perfect. We had a great time!!! Seriously though, I was SO tired. I couldn't figure out WHY I was feeling so terrible. It had gotten worse. I was late too. Now I have PCOS so being late was normal for me, as there was no "normal" for my period. I figured maybe I had a cyst I was passing. I figured that HAD to be the cause of the stabbing pains in my side. So I wound up going to the hospital because the pain was SO bad. I literally just wanted a pain killer until this feeling had passed. I will write about the struggles with PCOS in another blog post.

The doctor takes my bloods. My count was low. Now it wasn't super dangerous low, but it was low, but I was NOT pregnant. She goes in to take me to ultrasound because I told her that I had PCOS. She finds a cyst. It was larger than most and she decides to biopsy it for me right then and there, and she gave me a pain killer for the pain. I went home like any other day.

A few days later I get a call back that my test results were in. I should go in for a meeting. I think nothing of it. I have had these meetings a million times before. The cyst was benign blah blah blah, make sure you come in for your check ups blah blah blah, normal PCOS crap. BUT this was different. She said that The cyst was cancerous. She wanted a scan but she believed it was stage 1A. So we did the scan same day. I was to come back on Monday to discuss options.

So here we are 1 week from the day that I had decided to come in for the pain and I'm sitting in the doctor's office to find out what my options are for CANCER? ME? After everything I had just done to make this life better for my son and I. OK its FINE, you GOT this Melinda. Its quick and easy...we can do this. She removed it already...it couldn't have spread....she said 1A right? WRONG! She said we needed to discuss removing my ovaries and Fallopian on the one side OR for better results, remove everything. COMPLETE hysterectomy. We went over the options, doing only half could be a small laser surgery, same day, in and out. However the complete hysterectomy would be a bigger surgery including a hospital stay and a larger scar, plus much more delicate recovery time. I was shocked. I mean my head was still reeling from the first news. WHAT was I going to do? My mother was struggling, its so close to Christmas, I can't spring this on my family. They would be devastated, my mother would pawn her a&$ to get to me and take care of me (lol ok maybe not go that far...but she would be desperate to come see me). I couldn't put that on her. I couldn't take Christmas away from the family. I am here by myself, just me and my son. OMG my son, I need to hide this from him. I need to give him this Christmas. I can't tell him what's going on. He just got his normal life. The life he only saw on TV from the hospital bed. I was NOT taking that away. I was stronger than that. So I decided on the half combined with Chemotherapy. I asked her if I could work it around his school schedule. So we worked it out. Hector is schooled at home, but he starts at 9am. I had to be home before that. We worked it out. I went in to the hospital early on Wednesday mornings and took a cab back home to wake him at 9.

Everything was planned out. I could do this. I didn't need to tell anyone. If i seemed sick, I would say must be a cold, or must be the flu, or whatever. It would be fine.

Well, I was sick, A LOT, I had to get rid of the car. I could no longer work enough to pay for the car payments. I was sick and tired ALL the time. So one income was gone. We could no longer live comfortably. I had no desire to go on social media and fake a smile every day, so my network marketing business started taking a hit. I was desperate, so I am sure that at this point it was probably seriously showing in the few videos and interactions with customers that I had. My son was used to being more comfortable and at this point bills were piling, we no longer had the car, and I couldn't afford any extras.

Than worst news ever came in. I was going to lose my disability! The reasoning behind it was since I hadn't been to a doctor in so long, I can obviously go back to work. Truth is, in New York, my son was my priority, and then when we got here, I tried. But workman's compensation doctors couldn't get the green light to treat me from the insurance board. We were working on it for at least 6 months! I can't be seen with the Medicare because it was a work related injury. So I had no way to get my MRI done to prove that there was still a medical reasoning why I could not work a normal job. This was a HUGE hit, almost $1,000 dollars a month kind of hit! Disability paid my rent, workman's comp barely did bills and food!!!

So I was stuck. I decided OK mommy mode. I need to find something part time at least. It's going to kill me, but what am I supposed to do??? I put in applications everywhere, but with all my limitations, no one was hiring me. PLUS I was not given much notice. They had said i wasn't going to receive it before but then immediately after said I was getting it and getting an increase as well. So I thought I was fine. I found out with a notice that was dated January 18th that I had no insurance entire month of January and no Disability that would come in on February 3!!! Literally had zero notice. I was scrambling. I found some services that may help to pay February's rent but I needed the eviction notice first. (They hand those out on the 5th of the month.) So I waited and applied as soon as possible. They denied me. I had to apply to the court for extra time. Now I was desperate because my checks coming in from Workman's compensation was NOT enough. I applied for food stamps so we didn't need to buy too much food, but with the cancer, I couldn't cook every day!!! My amazing friend and sister from my network marketing company convinced me to let her start a go fund me campaign. Again if you want to donate I will leave the link. https://www.gofundme.com/helpmelindathefighter But DON'T feel bad.

I found my strength again. I found at that I COULD do this. I found a bit more of me. I know that though I am alone physically, but I am NOT alone. I have my support system through my company, I have my family, and my amazing friends, from NY and my new friends from here in Nevada. I am so unbelievably blessed. I can see that now. I am a FIGHTER. I now see clearly that everything I have been through my whole life just made me stronger for this. Once this is all over, I can be FREE. Free from everything that held me back (myself mainly). I can be more beautiful and more ME. I can overcome everything. I will be READY to take on the world. So yes, cancer was a blessing, it is a blessing. I may struggle right now and need help, but when I come out on the other end...I will be able to pay it forward, I can help others in this situation, I can be stronger for my son, I can be BRAVER for me. I can pursue my dreams. I could have it ALL. NOTHING will stop me.

#lifelessons #growing #cancer #brightside #blessings