My battle with Depression

The outside world sees me as funny, quirky, always happy and having fun. For the most part that is me. But sometimes, it is almost a chore. Do you ever feel like you ALWAYS need to be ON? It is exhausting! I feel like every human being has at some point in there life felt depressed...if you say no...you are most likely lying to yourself!

I have always battled within myself. From my earliest memories I have had so much sadness almost define me. From my fathers death, not being picked until last choice on the playground, never feeling good enough on the dance floor, and never feeling loved down to break ups with boyfriends who I SWORE were the ONE, feeling fat, and feeling like a failure as a mother. STOP!!! We are our own worst critics.

I would love to say it is SOOOOO easy to overcome, (especially for those with clinical depression), but I would be the worlds LARGEST liar. It takes really looking into yourself. I mean lets be real here...I still struggle with it from time to time. It takes one moment to just trigger you and send you down some insane rabbit whole of self punishment, self pity, and self bullying. Let's be real...that's what it is! Bullying. You are your own biggest BULLY. To be honest it takes a LOT of self reflection and self help. It did NOT come easy. To be honest, I only started doing this about 3 years ago. It was introduced to me in my network marketing journey because you cannot make it in the business without working on yourself. I picked up books and went at it. The book that actually helped me the most had to be a book called Girl Code by Cara Alwill Leyba. That was the first one that actually spoke to me. She is AMAZING. I also read The Champagne diet and Fearless and Fabulous, but I'm digressing. Seriously if you are a female and you are struggling with this depression thing (which pretty much means all of you), you NEED to pick up that book. She talks about how we need to stop doing this to ourselves and get out of our heads...go back to the children we once were...that invincibility that you have, that hunger for life...that is what we need to go back to. It is so true...we all need to stop putting ourselves and others down and just RISE UP, raise each other up, raise your self up and get yourself back. Find what you want to do and DO it. That is what I found when I found my company. That little girl who used to love to play dress up and pretend. The girl that used to steal her mothers big purple makeup pallet things (the kind from back in the 80s that had a little of everything) and play in her makeup...yeah I get paid to do that now. Seriously...whatever it is that you love....you should be doing it. You should be empowering yourself, you should be living the life you want to be living. Something doesn't make you happy, don't do it or get rid of it. It is not serving you and your emotional health.

I'm not saying you read the books and you are healed...trust me...i go through it. If you read my battle with cancer you know that its not all peaches and cream...there is a LOT of sour in between. But I can't let it bring me down. I can't let the bad define me. I CHOOSE a different emotion. I CHOOSE to react different. I CHOOSE to feel different. I CHOOSE to see the good. As soon as you can learn to do that, you will have many less depressed moments.

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