Men, Who to Avoid, My Story

Men! Can't live with em...can't live without em? WRONG! I sure can live without a man. In fact I prefer it that way for now.

I am not saying that I am anti man...Nope I am not. I just am PRO ME! You need to know your worth and be whole with yourself before you are ever ready to allow a man in. I have had my share of relationships. I was always a very relationship oriented person. Almost like I couldn't be without one. YUCK! Not all my relationships were horrifying but boy oh boy have I had my share of relationships that are like a scene out of a horrifying movie...the kind that makes you want to smack the girl! Yep that was me...I have had some of my best friends definitely wanting to beat the ever loving crappola out of me.

The Drug and Alcohol Abuser

Now I will definitely not be naming names. This guy I will say was one of my best and worst relationships wrapped into one. This guy was absolutely AMAZING. That is before the drugs and alcohol took over. I can't even say he was ever all the way clean. But it did not affect me until the middle to the end of the relationship. The guy that I fell in love with was so giving, so caring, compassionate, and most of all he took my baby boy (before he was even a year old) in as his own son. I was spoiled, I was cared for, I was loved. He was a dream come true. Then we moved in together. It was GREAT for a while, he made significantly more than me so he pretty much handled all the bills and we used my money to split into our accounts. We had our own checking and savings plus a joint checking and savings. I mean we were down the marriage track. Then the drug abuse and alcoholism got BAD. He went to rehab and I stuck by him through at least 3 of these stints. It always got so great after. Eventually he would go back. It was so bad that we went through all the accounts to stay above water and eventually ran out of money. This is the same time as my accident. I was living so horribly at this point. It was a mess, I had no help, we were facing eviction, I couldn't cook and clean anymore, it was horrible. I wound up leaving to get help for my back issues and my family moved me out and into a storage facility. It is what I needed to break free. That accident was a blessing in disguise. I am not sure I would have had the courage or strength to leave and allow him to hit rock bottom so that he could heal. He is clean now and I could not possibly be happier for him. He also has his own child and is married.

The Old Guy

I had my self esteem at an all time low, I was living in a nursing home. There was a guy that worked as a security officer in the rehab/nursing home. We started dating. I didn't see it then but he was totally using me. I was a younger girl and he was my moms age. He would feed me and buy me what I needed. He did take care of me in that sense. He even would take me out once in a while. He would also disappear for days at a time, no phone calls, no word from him. There were rumors that he was married...but I couldn't believe that. I guess it was just too horrifying to even think of it. Long story short it would up being true and I was devastated.

The Mommas boy/Cheater

This guy lived in the same building as me. He lived at home with his mom and had two kids. He was funny and seemed attentive at first. I had just started losing weight and it was my transition. I was not confident yet. He would never have time to see me...he lived upstairs from me for Christ sake! Literally one floor above. Oh and he didn't work! Long story short...of course he had no time for me...he was cheating on me and his mom would cover it up for him...way to go...great parenting!

The Mental Abuser and User

This guy was a doosey! He was two in one of horrible monstrosity guys. This guy I seriously have NOTHING good to say about. Honestly, in retrospect, this relationship was a living nightmare. I had just gotten my body back. I had just started walking again. He was attractive at the time to me. (Definitely super skinny but hey I was just shocked someone like that would have interest). He was a bull sh*t artist. He was a con artist. Literally the first date he stood over on the couch because it was late. Oh and it wasn't a date, we watched movies on the couch in my house and I cooked. He the next day had to go to church but had no money, so got me to lend him $20 for lunch. He literally wound up moving in. I paid everything. He had business ideas, I paid for them, and I made them all happen, in fact I was the only one working. He would make me feel so small. Like noone else would want me. I was worthless, I was dumb. I took in his brother and friend, they all lived with me! This was at a time right after Hector moved back in with my mom because he had just attempted suicide. I mean really? I guess I was nurturing them because I couldn't nurture my own child. I would get yelled at and cheated on daily and he would always spin it to make it my fault. Classic arrogant, sociopath, abuser. Oh and he hid behind his Christianity, claiming he was right because the bible said so. Seriously I was brainwashed, stripped of all of my dignity, stripped of any confidence, and stripped of any money I had.

The Old guy Part 2

This guy was also pretty great. He treated me right for the most part. Had his own place, was retired cop ( yup he was old), had a boat...seemingly had his stuff together. The only thing with him was that he was a little controlling. Everything on his terms, I almost couldn't be the silly crazy quirky woman I am around him because it would embarrass him. This is never a good thing. Then his ex wife came back into the picture and he chose to allow her to dictate that he would have to move back in, but in the basement. They wouldn't be together but she couldn't afford the bills in the house so he needed to pay them. Then it was at a point where I couldn't call him, because it would be disrespectful, but at the same time if I would go anywhere (even with our friends that I met through him), it was a problem if I didn't tell him first. What the heck is that? So that ended. I was devastated. But I finally started finding my strength again.

The Confused/Runner

This one was on the surface ok. He was funny, had two little girls, also lived with his mom. We did things kind of 50/50 when it came to finances. The relationship started quickly. It was a whirlwind. He moved in super quick and when we would come up against any pressures, instead of working them out and compromising, he ran. Not only did he run, but he did it like a coward. He literally made plans with me, then when he knew that I was gone to go meet up with him, he went into the house and moved all his stuff out. Then he texted me that he had done that. He wasn't breaking up with me, he just didn't like arguing. Mind you I am a Puerto Rican hot head, and I not once yelled at him! Then, i allowed him back into my life, and it was completely one sided. I had to always go to see him, he couldn't be bothered to make that effort unless I drove across town to go see him. When that came up and I needed him to make the effort because I started not feeling ok to drive there ( I had cancer but didn't know it yet), he didn't like that I brought it up and ended things again. So pretty much he would throw two year old temper tantrums with our relationship and use it against me in order to make me do what he wanted. Then he finds out I have cancer, and broke up with me for good. WHOAH.

Now I am alone. And I am loving it. Honestly I know now what I will and will not settle for. I know that I cannot accept anything less than what I deserve. I am strong, I am a fighter, and I am doing it completely by myself. I know that I GOT this! I don't need anyone. If someone comes around, it will take a LOT to have me allow them in. Bottom line, know your worth. If you see characteristics of any of those guys from above...RUN, don't walk away from them. They do not deserve you!